Yep.

My New Gym

Working out sucks bawls.  It almost always hurts, it makes you get in weird positions that make you look like a sweaty idiot, and, when done right, you're sore the next day.

Woah.  I just realized something.  Working out is like bad sex.

People who say they like working out are almost always lying.  They either like the high they get after it, the way it makes them look naked, or they just like talking about it smugly as they touch their pecs/abs.

Anyhoo.  I've decided I want to be a TLP (tight little package).  I want guys to feel the urge to pick me up when they see me.  I want to have Jennifer Aniston's arms in season 8 of Friends.  I want to do 10 boy pushups.  In a row.

I started auditioning gyms last week and have found my match.  Club Sportive is close to my house, it's spacious and clean, and freaking GORGEOUS inside.

If David Beckham and Jennifer Lopez gave birth to a gym, my gym would be more beautiful.  And would kick its ass in its own boxing ring.

Nice, right?

I'm obsessed.  And sore from my trainer yesterday.  You can't see me right now but I'm touching my abs.  

Oh no.  I'm already one of them...

xxx,

The Hulkster

Brussels

I've recently come home from Brussels.  Now that I've spent a night there, I can say with confidence that  

Brussels is Amsterdam's waffel-loving, dirtier, fatter sister.  I loved it.

After our corporate show (for a Dutch Boiler company), Haley, Brian and I went to the world-famous Delirium brewery!  I drank two Belgian beers and felt completely schnockered.  Brian had to carry me and Haley home over his shoulders.

After our brew-haha, we stumbled over the the "Grande Place."

Then we found a coffin bar.  The cocktails are deadly...

Brussels makes me look like a zombie.

The hotel where we stayed was awful.   It was conveniently located on Tranny Hooker Alley. I hope I never find it again.  I won't even mention the flies or random hairs on the comforter.  [shudder...]

The next morning, the boys and I walked around Brussels a bit and found the most AMAZING piece of art.  Totally remarkable.  I'm surprised more people don't know about it.  

The "Manneken Pis" is a teeny statue of a little boy peeing.  Well done, Belgians!

Godiva is my favorite. 

xx jess

Liz is Back

I'm crazy about Liz Bolton.

Liz was an actress at Boom when I first arrived but moved back to LA in December of 2009.  She's hilarious, hard-working and a genuinely wonderful person.  Now she's back for a month and I couldn't be more thrilled.   But, as we walked off our dinner of unbelievably fatty chicken wings from Festina Lente after rehearsal, I told her it's like I'm only getting two dunks of delicious Bolton tea and I wish she would just FREAKIN STEEP.

The four ladies at Boom...

until Amber breaks my heart and leaves on the 21st. :(

Seen at Chicago Social Club (Part 1)

Tonight, at precisely 11:34pm, A GIGANTIC bouncer at Boom was drinking a protein shake by the copier. I asked him how long he's been dating the gym. He kissed his bicep. I giggled as I ran up the stairs but quickly stammered "I CAN BENCHPRESS MORE THAN YOU!!!"

Koninginnedag

Queen's Day takes place in the Netherlands each year on the 30th of April.  It is one part yardsale ("vrijmarkt") and one part drunken street party.  Everyone wears orange, kids and old people sell useless trinkets on the roadside and at least 237 new Dutch citizens are brought into existence...

I got a late start this year (Queen's Night didn't end for me until 5am...) and riding my bike into the Jordaan was something I'll never forget.  While I love a good party, I'm prone to panic attacks when surrounded by hot, sweaty randoms (HSRs).  I was moments away from throwing my rusted old bike into a tiny Michael Jackson impersonator, beating two hippies with a facepaint station with their own brushes and crawling back into bed, slowly stroking my orange boa.

Once I made it to Ben and Sima's houseboat, all was well.  This year, the weather was perfect, the company was gezellig and the only terrible thing that happened was being pick-pocketed in Dam square.  Oh well... it's the price you pay to honor Beatrix.

Sam is great.  That's why he has a champion medallion.

Elaine, Julie and Sima

These weren't mine.

I stole them.

The Jordaan

Haley and Chapman attached a Winnie the Pooh to a fishing pole.  They asked passersby to "wish on the Pooh" and asked for donations.  They made about 7 Euros.   

 Some Dutchies did NOT think their wish would come true.

100% of the people* I asked to make a wish followed through.  I should go into sales.  Or consulting.

*and by "people" I obviously mean suckers... 

Chapman and Haley's fortunes!

My new boyfriend.

Dirty dirty

Chapman needs to take it easy.

I don't remember taking any of these pictures.

Haley got a Homer hat. Ha!

Two hours later, the bridge looks exactly the same...

The end.